I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while. I'm in a what seems like never-ending stage of depression. I am rarely on the computer but always have my phone in hand. Blogging isn't that easy on a mobile phone.
I think of Caden often. More recently, I have been having weird experiences I can hear things, but I can't ever see it. Makes me believe it's Caden, I just wish one day he'd show me his sweet little face!
Loss with him has made me have a WHOLE different outlook on death. I hate that I've had to experience this, but my outlook on death is so much more comfortable and understanding and not something that makes me horribly sad and miss them, don't get me wrong, I miss the lost loved ones dearly but it just makes it easier to accept the death.
A medium experience with his presence would be awesome. :) 3 Angel moms I know through an Angel Parent group, have gone to a medium to connect with their Angel or another lost loved one.
I feel horrible, I haven't been to Caden's grave, but 1 quick run to his headstone (to see if anyone left him anything for Christmas) Since his 2nd Birthday. Which to me was a not so fun day, so maybe that is why I haven't returned? I wanted so badly to take him his Christmas tree and decorate it, but it just kept slipping my mind. Life is crazy with 3 boys ages 9, 7 and 5 and then my 19 mo old who is practically with me, every second of every day.
Last Monday I decided that MaKaylie would probably sleep better if I moved her out of our bedroom. We only have a 3 bedroom house, so the rooms aren't huge. Anyway. I took Jaxon to afternoon kindergarten, started cleaning Mathew and Jaxon's room (they've been sharing a room the entire time we've been here). I moved dressers into their closet, clearing space for a bed for Austin to move in. This room was done and ready to be slept in at bedtime. I was proud that it only took me about 5 hours to complete the entire task. BUT, the reason I mention this, is because that first night Kaylie was out of my room, I felt lost. She has been in the same room with me the entire 18.5 mo she's been alive. I seriously felt like she was gone. Gone as in not here on earth! I struggled with sleeping that first night. She slept wonderfully and has continued to sleep wonderfully the past 8 nights. She used to wake up in the middle of the night and well now, she sleeps ALL night long. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it.
Anyway, that is all for now. Hope you enjoy this update. :)
I think of Caden often. More recently, I have been having weird experiences I can hear things, but I can't ever see it. Makes me believe it's Caden, I just wish one day he'd show me his sweet little face!
Loss with him has made me have a WHOLE different outlook on death. I hate that I've had to experience this, but my outlook on death is so much more comfortable and understanding and not something that makes me horribly sad and miss them, don't get me wrong, I miss the lost loved ones dearly but it just makes it easier to accept the death.
A medium experience with his presence would be awesome. :) 3 Angel moms I know through an Angel Parent group, have gone to a medium to connect with their Angel or another lost loved one.
I feel horrible, I haven't been to Caden's grave, but 1 quick run to his headstone (to see if anyone left him anything for Christmas) Since his 2nd Birthday. Which to me was a not so fun day, so maybe that is why I haven't returned? I wanted so badly to take him his Christmas tree and decorate it, but it just kept slipping my mind. Life is crazy with 3 boys ages 9, 7 and 5 and then my 19 mo old who is practically with me, every second of every day.
Last Monday I decided that MaKaylie would probably sleep better if I moved her out of our bedroom. We only have a 3 bedroom house, so the rooms aren't huge. Anyway. I took Jaxon to afternoon kindergarten, started cleaning Mathew and Jaxon's room (they've been sharing a room the entire time we've been here). I moved dressers into their closet, clearing space for a bed for Austin to move in. This room was done and ready to be slept in at bedtime. I was proud that it only took me about 5 hours to complete the entire task. BUT, the reason I mention this, is because that first night Kaylie was out of my room, I felt lost. She has been in the same room with me the entire 18.5 mo she's been alive. I seriously felt like she was gone. Gone as in not here on earth! I struggled with sleeping that first night. She slept wonderfully and has continued to sleep wonderfully the past 8 nights. She used to wake up in the middle of the night and well now, she sleeps ALL night long. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it.
Anyway, that is all for now. Hope you enjoy this update. :)
Hello Tina! I found your blog on the 'Angel Parents' group on facebook. It was nice reading your story about Caden and finding so much I can relate to. I am so sorry for your loss! I would love to get to know you better! I recently started a blog too about the loss of my little Jackson. It's: www.joyinjackson.blogspot.com Also, I would love it if you would add Jackson to your Angel list! Thank you, take care! :)
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