C Y G Day 23

C Y G Day 22

Place of Care / Birth - My amazing nurse Vickie. She's a family friend, an amazing woman and was there for the delivery of both my Angel and my Rainbow. Then my Doctor and the view of the delivery room.

C Y G Day 21

Shrine / Sacred Space
Above my cupboards in my kitchen. I need a Curio cabinet ;)

C Y G Day 20

Charity / Organizations

C Y G Day 19

Projects

C Y G Day 18

C Y G Day 17

Anniversary / Birthday / Due Date

C Y G Day 16

Release - Balloon releases we've done since our loss. We've done 3 Walks to Remember and 1 for his 2nd Birthday.

C Y G Day 15

Wave of Light - 1 candle lit for Caden, the other is lit for ALL the Angel Babies in the World

C Y G Day 14

Community - My husband and I at our first Walk to Remember, an event our local. Share puts on. I lack pictures of the multitudes of Angel Families that attend this event.

C Y G Day 13

Signs - Whenever my necklace breaks, I feel like it is a sign from Caden

C Y G Day 12

Scents - Unfortunately, I do not have a scent that reminds me of Caden, but the sight of these flowers make me smile! I could only imagine how'd they smell if they were real

C Y G Day 11

Support -  Being a member of these groups is where I find the most support, even if it's just me reading other posts vs. Me actually the one posting

C Y G Day 10

Capture Your Grief Photo Challenge 2012
Day 10 - Symbol

Baby hand and footprint things remind me of Caden.

C Y G Day 9

Capture Your Grief Photo Challenge 2012
Day 9 - Special Place

C Y G Day 8

Capture Your Grief Photo Challenge 2012
Day 8 - Jewelry

C Y G Day 7

C Y G - Day 6

Capture Your Grief Photo Challenge 2012
Day 6 - What not to say 

C Y G - Day 5

Capture Your Grief Photo Challenge 2012
Day 5 - Memorial

 Caden's Headstone decorated with all the accumulated flowers for his 3rd Birthday

 My Kiddos at the Cemetery. MaKaylie visiting her brother for the first time on Earth

A fellow Angel Mom - Shauna - http://pinwheelsfromheaven.blogspot.com/ 
sent this to me on Caden's 3rd Birthday.  She is such a sweet Angel Mom.

C Y G Day 4

  Capture Your Grief Photo Challenge 2012
Day 4 - Treasured item - I couldn't pick just ONE!

Top Left to bottom: A Heart to hold, Hospital Bracelet, hand and footprint blanket that Caden was wrapped in, hand and foot prints, hand and foot molds and the Teddy Bear that was with the flower arrangement from the Grandparents for the burial.

And this was posted from my phone.. I'm amazed. Photoshake, you just made my life so much easier in the blogging world. :)

C Y G - Day 3

Capture Your Grief Photo Challenge 2012
Day 3: After Loss Self-Portrait
 
I am at the Burial for Caden, the day after he was delivered, talking with an Angel Mom, Ryann.

C Y G - Day 2

Capture Your Grief Photo Challenge 2012
Day 2 - Before Loss.


I had just found out I was pregnant with Caden - March 2009

Capture Your Grief - Day 1 - Sunrise

Capture Your Grief Photo Challenge 2012
Day 1 - Sunrise

I was so exhausted that I wasn't able to get up bright and early, to take a sunrise picture. So when I returned from taking my kids to school, you could still see the moon so I took 2 pictures. 1 of my 9 am sun and another of the blue sky with the showing moon. It's pretty cool.

My 9 AM Sunrise, Utah

The Moon in the blue sky

"Capture Your Grief"

I'm a couple days late, but I'm excited to join in on this 31 day picture challenge..

http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/09/capture-your-grief-this-october-2012-for-pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness-month.html

Stay tuned for my picture posts on here and on my FB :) Also, I've never done a blog photo challenge, so if I'm doing something wrong, please let me know.

Hopefully I'm back from my hiatus but don't hold your breath lol.

I'm Sorry!

I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while. I'm in a what seems like never-ending stage of depression. I am rarely on the computer but always have my phone in hand. Blogging isn't that easy on a mobile phone.

I think of Caden often. More recently, I have been having weird experiences I can hear things, but I can't ever see it. Makes me believe it's Caden, I just wish one day he'd show me his sweet little face!

Loss with him has made me have a WHOLE different outlook on death. I hate that I've had to experience this, but my outlook on death is so much more comfortable and understanding and not something that makes me horribly sad and miss them, don't get me wrong, I miss the lost loved ones dearly but it just makes it easier to accept the death.

A medium experience with his presence would be awesome. :)  3 Angel moms I know through an Angel Parent group, have gone to a medium to connect with their Angel or another lost loved one.

I feel horrible, I haven't been to Caden's grave, but 1 quick run to his headstone (to see if anyone left him anything for Christmas) Since his 2nd Birthday. Which to me was a not so fun day, so maybe that is why I haven't returned? I wanted so badly to take him his Christmas tree and decorate it, but it just kept slipping my mind. Life is crazy with 3 boys ages 9, 7 and 5 and then my 19 mo old who is practically with me, every second of every day.

Last Monday I decided that MaKaylie would probably sleep better if I moved her out of our bedroom. We only have a 3 bedroom house, so the rooms aren't huge. Anyway. I took Jaxon to afternoon kindergarten, started cleaning Mathew and Jaxon's room (they've been sharing a room the entire time we've been here). I moved dressers into their closet, clearing space for a bed for Austin to move in. This room was done and ready to be slept in at bedtime. I was proud that it only took me about 5 hours to complete the entire task. BUT, the reason I mention this, is because that first night Kaylie was out of my room, I felt lost. She has been in the same room with me the entire 18.5 mo she's been alive. I seriously felt like she was gone. Gone as in not here on earth! I struggled with sleeping that first night. She slept wonderfully and has continued to sleep wonderfully the past 8 nights. She used to wake up in the middle of the night and well now, she sleeps ALL night long. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it.

Anyway, that is all for now. Hope you enjoy this update. :)